Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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