I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize