my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
