I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
