i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
