I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
