A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
