It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
