sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
