shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
