Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
