all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
