Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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