am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
