talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
