I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
