After last night, I could never be a politician.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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