rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
