So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
