even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
