everyone is single if you try hard enough
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
