I just pynch a tree in the face
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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