Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
