i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
