Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
