i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
