You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
