HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
