You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
