Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
