You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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