guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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