Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
