oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
