Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
