There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
smell my finger.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
