what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
