Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
