Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
