Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
