The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
