it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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