I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
