Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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