he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
