I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
