the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
