So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
