we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
