Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
