I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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